Three Holy Men and a Bear

Kirk Reiser kirk at
Thu Nov 15 21:01:44 EST 2007

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a rabbi all served as 
chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in 
Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week 
for coffee and to talk shop. 

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people 
isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to 
preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided 
to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, 
find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. 

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their 

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on 
crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, 
went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find 
me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from 
the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me 
and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy 
water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became 
as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to 
give him first communion and confirmation." 

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had 
one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his 
best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, 
brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I 
FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from 
God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. 
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled 
down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to 
a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy 
soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. 
We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus." 

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, 
who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and 
traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He 
was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said, 
"Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best 
way to start." 

Well that's it then, colour me gone!

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