neologisms

[Gene Collins]

Hello all.  My friend Ann Parsons sent this, enjoy.

Gene

    Neologism (a new word or a new meaning for an established word) Contest.
 
 Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to
 its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply
 alternate meanings for common words.
 
 The winners are:
 
 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
 
 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
 
 3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
 
 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
 
 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
 
 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
 answer the door in your nightgown.
 
 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
 
 8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
 
 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
 over by a steamroller.
 
 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
 
 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
 
 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
 proctologists.
 
 13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
 
 14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
 Yiddishisms.
 
 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.): The belief that, when you die, your Soul
 flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
 
 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
 Jewish men.
  
     
  
     
  
    
 The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any
 word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
 one letter, and supply a new definition.
 
 Here are this year's winners:
 
 1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
 bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
 little sign of breaking down in the near future.
 
 2. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
 subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
 
 3. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
 
 4. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
 person who doesn't get it.
 
 5. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running
 late.
 
 6. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
 
 7. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease.
 
 8. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these
 really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
 like, a serious bummer.
 
 9. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
 consuming only things that are good for you.
 
 10. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
 
 11. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
 when they come at you rapidly.
 
 12. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
 you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
 
 13. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
 bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
 
 14. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in
 the fruit you're eating.

- -- 
			Ann K. Parsons  
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"All that is gold does not glitter.  
Not all those who wander are lost."  JRRT

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