Who's on First?

[Kirk Reiser]

Comedians of the 1930's-1950's Bud Abbott and Lou Costello did a comedy
sketch about baseball called "Who's on First?" It might have turned out
something like this in our day of cell phones and computers:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT . . . .

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. May I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking
about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

ABBOTT: A desktop and wallpaper.
COSTELLO: I already have a desk with a large top, so never mind the
windows with the computer. I just need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. For the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?

ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is "office".

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows? I told you I don't want
windows installed in my computer.

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your "blue 'W'" if you don't start with some
straight answers! OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet on
this computer?



ABBOTT: Yes, you'll want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 &4. Can I
watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue "W"?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty
much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is "real one"?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of
Office.
COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping?
You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

A FEW DAYS LATER . .
ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store. May I help you?
COSTELLO: Your people set up this computer in my den and turned it on, but
how do I turn it off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START"........

-- 

Kirk Reiser				The Computer Braille Facility
e-mail: kirk at braille.uwo.ca		University of Western Ontario
phone: (519) 661-3061