Today's Funny

[A. R. M.]

Signs

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
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On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
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Sign over a Gynaecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
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At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit please back in."
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On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
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On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
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Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
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On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
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At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
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On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
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In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take 
appropriate action."
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On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
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At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the 
right place."
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On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
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In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
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On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
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At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
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Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
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In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
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At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
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In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
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In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
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At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
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And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."