funny stuff

[Kirk Reiser]

ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen
nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.

"You don't?" I replied.

"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.

"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"

"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TWO The paragraph above
doesn't amaze me because of what happened a couple of months ago. I was
checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind
me put her things on the belt close to mine.

I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider"
looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"

I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."

She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to
what had just happened.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THREE-----MAKES YOU WONDER HOW THESE PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE!!!

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she
said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card
number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FOUR I recently saw a
distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door
unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a
distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to
me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you
drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FIVE Several years ago, we
had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?"

"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the
intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank"
copies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SIX I was in a car
dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage.
The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing
generally looked like an extra in Twister."

I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set
the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SEVEN ------IDIOTS
&COMPUTERS...

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a
large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with
their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch
banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my
terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EIGHT Police in Radnor,
Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head
and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the
copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.

Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."