Funnies

[A. R. M.]

"Americans"
"Strong Like Bull - Smart Like One Too"

This is the actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with
Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995.
Radio conversation released by the chief of naval operations, 10-10-95.

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid
a collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north
to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees
to the south to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert
YOUR course.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second
largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with
three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND
that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five
degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety
of this ship.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

===========================================
"Report"
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report
sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.