OT, but awfully funny!

[Alex Snow]

that's pretty damn funny!
On Thu, Jan 22, 2004 at 04:30:24PM -0500, Ann 
Parsons wrote:
> Hi all,
> 
> I just saw this, thought it was a hoot and a half!  I sure hope Larry
> Baggett sees this one!! 
> 
> Ann P.
> 
> Got this from a buddy, thought I'd share it with the group, enjoy:
> 
> 
> Arrest at Kennedy Airport
> 
> At New York*s Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a
> high-school teacher from Public School 314, was arrested trying to board a
> flight while in possession of a ruler, protractor, slide rule and
> calculator.
> 
> Attorney General John Ashcroft believes the man is an integral member of the
> notorious Al-gebra movement.  He is being charged with carrying Weapons of
> Math Instruction.
> 
> "Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed," Ashcroft said. "Although it is
> estimated that only a small fraction of teachers are operators of Al-gebra,
> their methods are not average, instead using any means or extremes, and even
> sometimes going off on a tangent in a search of absolute value."
> 
> Ashcroft added, "Al-gebra differentiate themselves by operating in a base
> number of sets, that intersect and cross multiply out in a geometric
> progression. The groups consist of almost imaginary radicals, with names
> like X and Y, and although they are frequently referred to as *unknowns*,
> their whole numbers actually belong to a common denominator and are part of
> the axis of medieval, with coordinates in every country."
> 
> Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge credits the arrest to the newly
> created Patriot Act.  Ridge said, "We*ve shown all our work, underlined our
> solutions and would say that the probability is high that we receive
> partial, if not full, credit for solving this particular question."
> 
> However Ridge warns that there are no straight-line solutions to the problem
> of Weapons of Math Instruction.  "We need to derive a well calculated
> methodology, that accounts for all the complex percentages and
> uncertainties.  We don't want to miss a step."
> 
> The suspected leaders of Al-gebra are the elusive brothers Theor and Axi Om,
> who are fractional followers of Fundamental Laws.  The brothers are believed
> to be hiding in a domain of null space.  Secretary of Defense Donald
> Rumsfeld has increased the number of divisions and radius of the search for
> the radicals, but stated that, "Although we estimate that they are in range,
> and are using a state-of-the-art detection device known as the Log-o-rhythm,
> the volume of area to cover is almost infinite."
> 
> Both political parties in the Senate have pledged equilateral support of the
> initiative and have promised to cosine a bill allocating additional funding
> for the program.
> 
> However Green Party leader Ralph Nader has countered by saying, "There are
> always three sides to every triangle.  Sometimes it*s right, sometimes it*s
> isosceles, and sometimes it*s Bermuda.  The angles to this one are more
> obtuse than complementary."
> 
> When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush*s summation was, "I
> don*t care what the UN says, if God had wanted us to have better weapons of
> math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.  In the
> comfounded interest of national security, I*m investigating the option of
> military occupation of the public school system."
> 
> -- 
> 			Ann K. Parsons  
> email:  akp at eznet.net 			
> WEB SITE:  http://home.eznet.net/~akp
> "All that is gold does not glitter.  
> Not all those who wander are lost."  JRRT
> 
> 
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