ot airline funnies.FW: Airline funnies (fwd)

[Shaun Oliver]

here take a look at these hehehe..

Shaun..
"Has anyone ever tasted an "END"? Are they really bitter?"
EMAIL: shauno at goanna.net.au ICQ: 76958435
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---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Wed, 23 May 2001 09:53:27 +1100
From: Paul Bailey <Paul_Bailey at COLPAL.COM>
To: Mick Atkins <Mick.Atkins at jameshardie.com.au>,
     david.attard at intl.fritolay.com,
     Alexander Bailey <living at experience.com.au>, Laza1500 at aol.com,
     Nozzy . <ntavassoli at hotmail.com>,
     "Jason Jack (NSW)" <jasonjack at retravision.com.au>,
     Shaun Oliver <shauno at goanna.net.au>,
     "Perkins, Ian" <Ian.Perkins at boral.com.au>,
     skinnaird <skinnaird at one.net.au>, Chris Talby <talbie01 at hotmail.com>,
     Andrew Papadopoulos <andrew at arncliffe.signwave.com.au>
Subject: FW:  Airline funnies




The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airlines and control
towers from around the world:

====================
The controller, working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a
three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between
aircraft).
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand
dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?"
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four
thousand dollars worth!"
======================
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach
speed just a little too high.
San Jose Tower: "American 51 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not
able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the
light to return to the airport."
======================
Unknown Aircraft: "I'm f***ing bored!".
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
immediately!!"
Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was f***ing bored, not f***ing stupid!"
======================
Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... By the way,
after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7;
did you copy the report from Eastern?"
Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff. Roger; and yes, we
copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
=======================
O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 Heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one
o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got that
Fokker in my sights."
=======================
The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot.
They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but how to get
there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that
we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt
ground control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after
landing:
Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the
active runway."
Ground: "Guten Morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!"
The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a
stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
now."
Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you never
flown to Frankfurt before?!?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes I have, Ground - in 1944. In another type of
Boeing... I didn't stop."