No NURSING HOME FOR ME!!!!

[Stephen Dawes]

No nursing home for us. We'll be checking into a Holiday Inn!

With the average cost for nursing home care being $188.00 per day, there is
a better way when we get old and too feeble.

                                I've already checked on reservations at The
Holiday Inn.

For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $59.23 per
night.
Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours In the afternoon.
That leaves $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or
room service, laundry, Gratuities and special TV movies.
Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and
washer-dryer, etc.
Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.
$5 worth of tips a day you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

They treat you like a customer, not a patient.

There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.

The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays.

For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of The
nice restaurants there.

While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.

Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your
reservation today. And you're not stuck in one place forever -- you can move
from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.

Want to see Hawaii ? They have Holiday Inn there too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem..
They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks
to see if you are ok. If not, they'll call an ambulance . . . Or the
undertaker. 
                                If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will
pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of
your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find
you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation.

The grand-kids can use the pool.

What more could I ask for?

So, when I reach that golden age,
I'll face it with a grin.

AIDS WARNING!

To all of you approaching 50 or have REACHED 50 and past, this email is
especially for you......

SENIOR CITIZENS ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!
- HEARING AIDS
- BAND AIDS
- ROLL AIDS
- WALKING AIDS
- MEDICAL AIDS
- GOVERNMENT AIDS

MOST OF ALL,
- MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!

Not forgetting HIV

                                (Hair is Vanishing)