GOLFING IN IRELAND

[Kirk Reiser]

  An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods.


Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a
big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.


Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it
over the little guy, reviving him.


"Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.


"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.


"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so
whaddya want?"


"Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't
want anything. I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize." And the
golfer walks off.


"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do
something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want...a
great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex
life."


A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American
golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the
woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.


"T'was me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I
just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"


"My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. I'm a famous golfer now."
He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're doing all right."


"Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you
know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?"


"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. When I need cash, I
just reach in my pocket and pull out the exact amount every time. I
didn't even know were there!"


"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"


The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says
shyly, "It's OK."


"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I
did a good job. How many times a week?"


Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once,
sometimes twice a week."


"What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or
twice a week?"


"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic
priest in a small parish."