THE VAGARIES OF FATHERS

[A. R. M.]

 IRISH PROSTITUTE...

 An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.

 Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time?
 Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can
 ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

 The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a
 prostitute...."

 "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a
 disgrace to this family."

 "OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious
 fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate
 for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy,
 the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked
 outside plus a membership to the country club.... (takes a
 breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on
 board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..."

 "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

 Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff."

 "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a
 Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"