In international Capitalism 101

[Dawes, Stephen]

A lesson in international capitalism

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
	You have two cows.
	You sell one and buy a bull.
	Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. 
	You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
	You have two cows.
	You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using
letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, 
	then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer
so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
	The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company.
	The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an
option on one more.
	Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States,
leaving you with nine cows.
	No balance sheet provided with the release.
	The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
	You have two cows.
	You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four
cows.
	You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A CANADIAN CORPORATION
	You have two cows.
	Your dairy operation is productive, and you sell 80% of the milk
to the US market.
	The American government decides that you are taking advantage of
federal subsidies to dump milk on the market below cost, and slaps you
with 25% "countervailing" duties, to protect the interests of the
above-mentioned American Corporation.
	Angered and enraged in typical polite Canadian fashion, you
cheer on the Canadian hockey team to pound the USA team 5-2 and win
Olympic gold.
	You let out a cheer, wave the Maple Leaf a bit, then apologize
for the outburst and get back to milking your cows.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
	You have two cows.
	You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
	You have two cows.
	You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and produce twenty times the milk.
	You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and
market them Worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
	You have two cows.
	You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a
month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
	You have two cows.
	Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
	You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
	You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
	You have two cows.
	You count them and learn you have five cows.
	You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
	You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
	You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
	You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
	You charge others for storing them.

A HINDU CORPORATION
	You have two cows.
	You worship them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
	You have two cows.
	You have 300 people milking them.
	You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest
the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION
	So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
	They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the
movie rights.
	They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors.
	So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
	You have two cows.
	That one on the left is kinda cute...


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