What's so funny about beans?

Steve Dawes sdawes at telus.net
Wed Jun 15 09:10:08 EDT 2005

Once upon a time, there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. She loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very
embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man
and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought
to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this
carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months
later her car broke down on the way home from work, and since she lived in
the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late
because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the
odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had
miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the
time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it,
she had consumed 3 large orders of baked beans. All the way home she
putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could
control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."  He then blindfolded her
and led her to her chair at the table.  She seated herself and just as he
was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made
her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to
answer the telephone. The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting
her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband
was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one
leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer
truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin
and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then she shifted to the other
cheek and ripped three more which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping
her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this
for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of her
freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on
her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself. She
was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for
taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had
not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised! There
were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy

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