Lawyer Joke]

[Kirk Reiser]

CARDINAL RULE: Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they
aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.  He
approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams.  I've know you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs.  You think you're a big
shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.  Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned!  Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"

She again replied, "Who!  Yes, I do.  I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster too.  He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem.  He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state.  Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women.  One of them was your
wife.  Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows
me, I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."