Bad Day at the Office

Kirk Reiser kirk at
Fri Oct 15 16:24:48 EDT 2004

Subject: Bad day at the office

And we thought we had it
This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a
bad day at work...think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation
diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs
on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.
She then sent it to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft.Wayne, Indiana, who
was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she

Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a
bad day at the office I know you've been feeling down lately at work,
so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize
it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with
a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the
bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This
time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is
this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000
piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a
delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a
garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a
darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the
hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole
suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse.
Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out
from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had
happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped
it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the
jellyfish couldn't stick to it.
However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched
what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into
the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma
over the communicator.
His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three
agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling thirty-five minutes
before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry
decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing
but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with
tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and
told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The
cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my
butt was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."

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