god's law

[Kirk Reiser]

Dear President Bush,
 Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
 learned a great deal from you, and try to share that knowledge with as many
 people as I can.
 When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I
 simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
 abomination . . . end of debate.
 I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of
 God's Laws and how to follow them.
 1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and
 female,
 provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
 claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
 Why can't I own Canadians?
 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in
 Exodus21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price
 for her?
 3. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
 pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They
 claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
 4. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
 him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
 5. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
 abomination (Lev.11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
 don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?
 6. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
 defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
 vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
 7. I know from Lev.11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
 unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
 8. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different
 crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
 different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to
 curse
 and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
 of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn't
 we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with
 people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev.20:14)?
 I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
 considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
 Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
 unchanging.
 Your adoring fan,
 Homer J Simpson