Today's Funny

[A. R. M.]

Actual label instructions on consumer products:

1. On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN
THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

3. On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP
UPRIGHT.

5. On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION
FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids - LIE DOWN
ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A
SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5
MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END.

9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins - WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR
FAVORITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

10. On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

11. On a bag of Fritos - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY.
DETAILS INSIDE.

12. On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.

13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)- DO NOT
TURN UPSIDE DOWN.

14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

15. On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR
USE ONLY.

17. On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.

18. On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.

19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts - INSTRUCTIONS: OPEN PACKET,
EAT NUTS.

20. On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS.

21. On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT
ENABLE YOU TO FLY.

22. On some frozen dinners - SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST.

23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box FITS ONE HEAD.

24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron - DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.


25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine - DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE
MACHINERY.

26. On Nytol sleep aid - WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.