Newfies Declare War on U.S.A

Kirk Reiser kirk at
Wed Dec 22 09:27:51 EST 2004

Newfies declare war on the  USA

President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which  country to invade next, when his telephone rang.

"Hallo,  President Bush" a heavily accented voice said.

"This is Archie,  up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove,
 Newfoundland,   Canadaey? I am callin' to tell ya dat we are officially
declaring war on   you."

 "Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important  news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Archie, after  a moments calculation "there is myself,
me cousin Harold, me   next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team
from the pub. That  makes eight!"

George paused. "I must tell you Archie,  that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my  command."

 "Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya  back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Bush, the war is
still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

 "And what equipment would that be Archie?", George  asked.

"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm

President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000
tanks & 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army
to one and a half million since we last spoke."

"Lard  T'underin' Jaysus, bye", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Bush, the war
is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an'
modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the
cockpit & four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!"

George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes.  My
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO

"Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie,"I'll have ta call youse back."

Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Bush! I am
sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war."

"I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of

 "Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a
long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way
we can feed two million prisoners."


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