From Stephen.Dawes@gov.calgary.ab.ca Wed Jul 16 15:47:27 2003 From: Stephen.Dawes@gov.calgary.ab.ca (Dawes, Stephen) Date: Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:47:27 -0600 Subject: Letter to Dogs Message-ID: This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------_=_NextPart_001_01C34BA9.2D58A4FE Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Dear Dogs: When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping; they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years; canine attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets. 1. The dog lives here. You don't. 2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, he's a dog. To me, he's an adopted son who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. 5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups. The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep. Steve Dawes Phone: (403) 268-5527 Email: SDawes@calgary.ca NOTICE:: This communication is intended ONLY for the use of the person or entity = named above and may contain information that is confidential or legally = privileged. If you are not the intended recipient named above or a = person responsible for delivering messages or communications to the = intended recipient, YOU ARE HEREBY NOTIFIED that any use, distribution, = or copying of this communication or any of the information contained in = it is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in = error, please notify us immediately by telephone and then destroy or = delete this communication, or return it to us by mail if requested by = us. The City of Calgary thanks you for your attention and cooperation. ------_=_NextPart_001_01C34BA9.2D58A4FE Content-Type: text/html; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Letter to Dogs

Dear Dogs:

When I say to move, it means go = someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still = two dogs in the way. The dishes with the paw print

are yours and contain your food. The = other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw = print in the middle of my plate and food does

not stake a claim for it becoming your = food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the = slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR = and is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the = object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can = run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a = king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue = to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Look at videos of dogs sleeping; they = can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep = perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest

extent possible. I also know that = sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end = to maximize space used is nothing but doggy

sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature = Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a = secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there = and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try = to turn the knob, or get your paw under the

edge and try to pull the door open. I = must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been = using bathrooms for years; canine attendance

is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go = smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be = such a simple change for you.

Rules for non-pet owners who visit and = like to complain about our pets.

1. The dog lives here. You = don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your = clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my dog a lot better than I = like most people.
4. To you,  he's a dog. To me, = he's an adopted son who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't = speak clearly.
5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat = less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually = come when called, never drive your car, don't

hang out with drug-using friends, don't = smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear = your clothes, don't need

a gazillion dollars for college, and if = they get pregnant, you can sell the pups.

The same applies to cats, except they = ignore you until you are asleep.


Steve Dawes
Phone: (403) 268-5527
Email: SDawes@calgary.ca


NOTICE::
This communication is = intended ONLY for the use of the person or = entity named above and may contain information that is confidential or = legally privileged. If you are not the intended recipient named above or = a person responsible for delivering messages or communications to the = intended recipient, YOU ARE HEREBY NOTIFIED that any use, distribution, = or copying of this communication or any of the information contained in = it is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in = error, please notify us immediately by telephone and then destroy or = delete this communication, or return it to us by mail if requested by = us. The City of Calgary thanks you for your attention and = cooperation.

------_=_NextPart_001_01C34BA9.2D58A4FE-- From Stephen.Dawes at gov.calgary.ab.ca Wed Jul 16 10:47:27 2003 From: Stephen.Dawes at gov.calgary.ab.ca (Dawes, Stephen) Date: Wed, 16 Jul 2003 08:47:27 -0600 Subject: Letter to Dogs Message-ID: Dear Dogs: When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way. The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping; they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm. My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years; canine attendance is not mandatory. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets. 1. The dog lives here. You don't. 2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, he's a dog. To me, he's an adopted son who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. 5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups. The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep. Steve Dawes Phone: (403) 268-5527 Email: SDawes at calgary.ca NOTICE:: This communication is intended ONLY for the use of the person or entity named above and may contain information that is confidential or legally privileged. If you are not the intended recipient named above or a person responsible for delivering messages or communications to the intended recipient, YOU ARE HEREBY NOTIFIED that any use, distribution, or copying of this communication or any of the information contained in it is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by telephone and then destroy or delete this communication, or return it to us by mail if requested by us. The City of Calgary thanks you for your attention and cooperation. -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: