more blonde jokes

[Kirk Reiser]

EXPOSURE

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right
breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you
aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

"Because your breast is hanging out."

She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!"


*********************************************************** OVERWEIGHT BLONDE

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat
regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two
weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!"
the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop
dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?"  asked the doctor. "No,
from all that skipping."


RIVER WALK


There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another
blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo"
she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river then shouts back,
"You are on the other side."


KNITTING


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and
yelled, "PULLOVER!"

"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"


BLONDE ON THE SUN


A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said,
"We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

The Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.
We're going at night!"


SPEEDING TICKET


A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show
it to you!"


THE VACUUM


A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can
you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"


FINAL EXAM


The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of
"yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares
at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking
the answer sheet "Yes" for Heads and "No" for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is
sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately
throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed,
approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half an hour, but I'm rechecking my answers."