unsubscribing

[Kirk Reiser]

How To Unsubscribe

To unsubscribe from this service you must first purchase a Craft-O-
Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit. The unit can be
obtained from most hardware stores and dental clinics. Be sure to
obtain the proper permits to operate the unit from the Nuclear
Regulatory Commission and the Food and Drug Administration in
Washington D.C. USA.

Be sure to carefully unpack the kit and place each component in its
accompanying mesh safety bag. Mount the Pershing DF4 mesinator on top
of the perforated Gerring Mach 77 refibulator and attach them using the
eight-millimeter torque fork. Be sure that the refibulator is mounted
at a 66 degree angle and properly dispersed so that it is flush with
the curved section of the Pyrex thistle tube. Place the four sections
of the triangular separation gear into the posture cylinder and lock
them into place using the band aid adhesive strip. Insert the wiggling
pin into the wobbling hole, making sure that it seated correctly. Place
the D cell battery and the eleven 9 volt batteries in the power
chamber.

The device should be calibrated before operation using the optional
digital corkscrew accessory pack prior to operation. Insert the digital
corkscrew through the electronic combustion service chamber using
caution not to touch the reinforced tungsten igniter control module and
quickly turn the inverter drive to 28.6 degrees. Turn the Craft-O-Matic
Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit upside down and hit the bottom
plate with a 48-ounce ball-peen hammer while shaking the unit
vigorously. Force open the door to the incineration valve compartment
and set the pressure gauge to 719 psi. Close the door and seal it shut
with duct tape. The unit should now be properly calibrated and ready to
use.

Before activating the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription
Cancellation Unit, you must first elevate it to a height of 229 feet
above sea level to insure that the unit receives the proper oxygen
level and barometric pressure. Point the aerial to 17 degrees north by
northeast to within the parameters of the Telstar GS-2 weather
satellite and apply pressure to the wing shaft on the southern most
section of the modular accelerator. Using the special ratchet adapter
supplied with the unit, rotate the heater core to the "on" position.

The "on" position has been obtained when the green light begins to
flash, signifying that the red light is about to go off. Once the red
light is off, flip the toggle switch labeled "ON/OFF" to the "ON"
position and count to 47 before logging on to the system.

Logon using your username and password and wait for the prompt. Once
prompted you must check the box with the appropriate action you wish to
take and then press the pressure release button and turn off the
compressor while turning the hand crank at 231 meters per minute. Next,
press control, alt, delete, caps lock, shift, number lock, escape and
tab simultaneously. Press enter.

You will have one second to complete the procedure. If you fail to
respond in the time limit allowed, simply purchase a new Craft-O-Matic
Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit and start from the beginning.

Please remember that this is the only way we will accept for you to
unsubscribe from this service. We have made every attempt to simplify
the procedure for your convenience. Failure to comply with the
unsubscribe policy will result in immediate termination of your
subscription so please follow the above directions closely.