Stretcher

[A. R. M.]

Bob was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great
day on the ocean fishing. He was late getting home and was speeding and
wouldn't you know, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, motioned him to
the side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen. 
The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were
going, BOY?" 

Bob thought for a second and said, "Uhh, 60?" 

"67 miles and hour, son! 67 mph in a 55 zone!" said the cop. 

"But if you already knew, officer," replied Bob, "why did you ask me?" 

Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled, in his sarcastic fashion,
"That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!" 

The cop took a closer look at Bob, in his stained fishing attire and
said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never seen
anyone so scruffy in my entire life!" 

Bob answered, "I've got a job! I have a good well-paying job!" 

The cop leaned in the window, smelling Bob's fish catch, said, "What kind
of a job would a bum like you have?" 

"I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied Bob. 

"What you say BOY?" asked the patrolman. 

"I'm a rectum stretcher!" 

The cop, scratching his head, asked, "What does a rectum stretcher do?" 

Bob explained, "People call me up and say they need to be stretched, so I
go over to their house. I start with a couple of fingers, then a couple
more, and then one whole hand, then two. Then I slowly pull them farther
and farther apart until it's a full six feet across." 

The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images in his mind, asked, "What the
hell do you do with a six-foot asshole?" 

Bob nonchalantly answered, "You give it a radar gun and stick it at the
end of a bridge."