management lessons

[Kirk Reiser]

Lesson Number One 
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. 
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I 
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The 
crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on 
the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, 
a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. 
Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, 
you must be sitting very, very high up. 

Lesson Number Two 
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be 
able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the 
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy". "Well, why 
don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the 
bull. "They're packed with nutrients." 
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it 
actually gave him enough strength to reach the first 
branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some 
more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after 
a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top 
of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, 
who shot the turkey out of the tree. 
Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, 
but it won't keep you there. 

Lesson Number Three 
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to 
be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I 
control the whole body's responses and functions. 
"The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the 
brain about and get him to where he wants to go." 
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do 
all the work and earn all the money." And so it went 
on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until 
finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at 
the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole 
went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. 
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands 
clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began 
to panic and the brain fevered. 
Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be 
the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other 
parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and 
passed out the shit! 
Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be a Boss. 
Any asshole will do. 

Lesson Number Four 
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was 
so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground in a 
large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by 
and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay 
there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how 
warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He 
lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing 
for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and 
came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat 
discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and 
promptly dug him out and ate him! 
Management Lessons: 
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy. 
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. 
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!